Where the Truth Lies
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The U.S. Justice Department finds that MicroSoft is a monopoly and engages in anti-competitive practices. Chairman Bill Gates denies all charges claiming, amazingly, that MicroSoft "encourages innovation." NOVEMBER 1999 As "Who Wants to be a Trillionaire" fever spreads across the U.S., Gates is asked, "Is there any question of your guilt, or is it just a matter of degree?" |
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United States Republicans punt the chance to make the world a safer place by voting against ratification of the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty. Lott's fundamentalist Christian beliefs are believed to be behind this action, though it is unclear whether Hindu India and Moslem Pakistan will be convinced to stop their nuclear development programs through such U.S. "leadership." OCTOBER 1999 Y2K UPDATE: News services report the Rapture occured at 12:01 a.m. GMT January 1st, 2000. Unconfirmed reports indicate that up to a dozen people worldwide were ascended to begin the 1000 years of harmony. An estimated 6.1 billion of the unworthy have been left stranded to wallow in the filth that remains. DECEMBER 2001 UPDATE: The United States announces it will abandon the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missle Treaty. |
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The 2000 Presidential campaign gets started months early, along with the fall premiere of the second season of "Ally McBeal." John McCain's wife Cindy is accompanied by Nancy Reagan as they gossip about the "Ally" star's alleged bulemia. SEPTEMBER 1999 "You look wonderful, Nancy" "You could stand WeightWatchers, Cindy" |
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The entire world is gripped by Star Wars fever as the first new installment in 20 years reaches theaters. Not even Pope John Paul II is immune. AUGUST 1999 "That darn Pope, he's always on the go. That darn Pope, he's a Polish dynamo. You can find him behind the wheel Of his merry PopeMobile" --Mondo Vita, 1984 |
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When questioned whether rumors of his alleged cocaine addiction were true, front-running presidential candidate George "Dubya" Bush replied he had not used cocaine "in the past seven years." AUGUST 1999 |
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Yugoslav Army tanks prepare to retreat from Kosovo. JUNE 1999 |
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After a tumultuous year that resulted in the impeachment of his presidency, Bill Clinton explains his risky behaviors. APRIL 1999 |
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Henry Hyde, House impeachment manager and admitted adulter, blocks all attempts for bi-partisanship and compromise, opting instead to force a Constitutinal crisis. JANUARY 1999 Hyde, who had his extramarital affairs when he was in his 40s, dismissed them as "youthful indescretions." |
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His promised "Republican Revolution" failed, and inablility to lead compounded by the same marriage infidelities his party is using to attempt to overthrow the electorial process, House Speaker Newt Gringrich announces his resignation. NOVEMBER 1998 |
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